Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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