Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
