oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
