Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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