Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
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