my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
