oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
