Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Randomize
