there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
