i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
