omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
