I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
They took my balls.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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