ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
