after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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