Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
