there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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