I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
