You made me cry and you don't even care
I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
