she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
