this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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