$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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