White coat. Heels.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
