it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
