i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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