Where are you?
In a non slutty way
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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