My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
