Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
last night I used snow as a chaser
Randomize
