Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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