5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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