i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Sext me about skeletons
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
