im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Randomize
