Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
So much Jack, so little girl.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
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