i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
