You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize