Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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