sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
