Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
