Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
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