dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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