My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
