I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
