He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
