They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
