Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
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