I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
