dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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