literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
