he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
