May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
