Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Randomize
