The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
