I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Randomize
