i wish peter jackson would direct porn
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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