I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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