sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Randomize
