Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
