hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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