i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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