Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
