9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
