I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
