You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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