we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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