ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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