Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
