I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Randomize
