Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
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