She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
