That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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