I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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