FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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