sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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