Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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