Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Randomize