oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
