He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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