no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
