My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
He passed out mid-signature
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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