Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Randomize